I received this in an e-mail, thought I'd give you lot a laugh...

Ladies please read and THEN REMEMBER THEM LATER ON !!!!!!



The Guys' Rules


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear 'the rules'
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered '1'
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1.. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1.. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color . Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1.. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1.. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1.. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have t o sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh

I like that enough to have copied and sent it elsewhere dws. Here's one for you!

What must a woman do when a man is running around in circles?
Re-load and carry on shooting.

What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumour.

What was the first man on the moon?
A good start.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world.”
The woman says, “I’ll really miss you”

What takes longer to make, a snowman or a snowwoman?
A snowman, because you have to hollow out the head first

Why do most men have a beer belly?
So that his best friend has a roof over his head.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what’s in the bed and go to the fridge.

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?

Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring
and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

When would you want a man’s company?
When he owns it.

What do you call female Viagra?
Jewellery

Why do men like women in leather?
Because they smell like new cars.

Nice one, Brenna!