If I was a dictator here's ten things I would ban:

1. Flip flops - people wearing them make a very annoying scuffing noise when they walk.
2. Tatoos - really offensive, especially when a fat git takes his (or her) top off.
3. Body piercing - a really stupid thing to do, should be limited to females and one piercing in only the lobe of each ear and certainly not ever in anybody under 18.
4. Smoking in public.
5. Long hair in men, especially if bald on top with a pony tail.
6. Wearing a hat indoors - especially back to front baseball caps.
7. Karaoke in pavement cafes especially when drunk.
8. Badly behaved children in restaurants.
9. Noisy mopeds.
10. Time share salespersons.

This list, which is by no means exhaustive, is a result of spending a week in Malta where, unfortunately, one has to rub shoulders with the hoi polloi quite a lot.
Despite the annoyances I did enjoy visiting Valletta, Mdina and Gozo very much.

Glad you enjoyed some of your holiday Lev and nice to see you back, why did you not take your laptop you could have given us a running commentary.

I agree with most of your points except the smoking in public-yer a wee misery-where else can I smoke in peace.
The hat why would that annoy you it does not smell make a noise or otherwise cause pollution and it may stop the spread of nits.

Levenax wrote:
This list, which is by no means exhaustive, is a result of spending a week in Malta where, unfortunately, one has to rub shoulders with the hoi polloi quite a lot.

Whilst I've often admired your icon, I had no idea you actually resided there, Lev.

Prime Ministers with verbal diarrhoea over football teams.

"Despite the annoyances I did enjoy visiting Valletta, Mdina and Gozo very much."

I visited Malta three times in the 80s and loved it. I didn't visit Gozo Lev but I went over to Comino, the smallest of the three Islands. The old cities of Mdina and Valletta are fascinating as is the history of Malta and the significant role it played during WW2. Going further back still its earlier history is just as interesting. Did you visit Mosta at all? I also enjoyed an excursion to the Blue Lagoon in a worryingly small boat which worried me even more when the sea became extremely rough. Since I was just a young thing at the time I enjoyed the night life too in Sliemma and St Julians Bay. The Maltese are a very friendly people and know the difference between English and Scots. I wondered initially at all the little statues and holy pictures on the buses and decided the reason for those was that even non-catholics might want something spiritual to focus on when risking life and limb taking a journey. Maltese bus-drivers don't drive on the left...or the right for that matter........they drive in the shade! At the time I chose Malta because I had tried Spain and didn't like it. I was last in Malta in 86 and found the balance just right although from what you've said Lev it has obviously become a lot busier now. I have lots of wonderful memories of my visits there nevertheless.

I'd ban the ghastly pseudo management-speak that's used by some business spokespeople and politicians to give themselves an air of competence.

If I hear 'going forward' instead of 'in future', or 'level playing field' instead of 'equal opportunity', or 'to showcase' instead of 'to present', I want to stick my foot through the TV or radio.

Why can't these people use plain words, short words rather than long ones, and few words rather than many?

And then shut up when they have made their point.

Robin T Cox wrote:
I'd ban the ghastly pseudo management-speak that's used by some business spokespeople and politicians to give themselves an air of competence.

If I hear 'going forward' instead of 'in future', or 'level playing field' instead of 'equal opportunity', or 'to showcase' instead of 'to present', I want to stick my foot through the TV or radio.

Why can't these people use plain words, short words rather than long ones, and few words rather than many?

And then shut up when they have made their point.

Add to that "Grasp the nettle", "Embrace the challenges", "Blue-sky thinking" and "Think outside the box"...

Oh, and anyone suggesting a "group hug" should be given a thorough kicking; there is a time and place for hugs, and the office ain't it.

I'd ban:

all weather forecasters who use the words, "a little bit of" about any kind of weather at all - and those who speak of "bulustery" or "culoudy":

the words, "really, really" (using it twice doesn't provide greater stress for what is being said - it just sounds stupid):

anyone with a voice that could be used to cut glass:

That's all for now but I'm sure I can find more.

The one that had been annoying me recently, was news reports announcing that someone had 'medalled' at the Olympics. No, they won a medal. If they had meddled at the Olympics then I'm sure the newscasters would have been reporting that some of our athletes had a run in with the Chinese authorities.

Clare wrote:
I wondered initially at all the little statues and holy pictures on the buses and decided the reason for those was that even non-catholics might want something spiritual to focus on when risking life and limb taking a journey.

So did I, but it was refreshing to see that the drivers were completely relaxed about sharing their beliefs with those whose lives they took in their hands every day. On the way to Mdina one day the driver of the really gorgeous 1950s Bedford bus we were on had a big Pieta on the dashboard complete with a crystal lamp which had a flickering candle bulb in it - heavy duty protection, or what? He nor the bus company clearly weren't worried about upsetting muslims as we would have been here.
Unfortunately the old buses guzzle diesel so they are slowly being phased out in favour of characterless but efficient modern ones with aircon. Though it has to be said that modern buses are much more disabled friendly than the old ones.
We didn't get to Mosta - just too much to see in a week as well as having to sloth a bit as you do on your hols.
Considering it was the middle of August I thought Malta was very quiet and when I asked some folk in a restaurant they said that trade was down about a third this year. The credit crunch is biting. There were quite a lot of empty seats on the plane too.
Certainly things were pretty cheap there - only 1.20 euro for coffee and about 15 euros for dinner. In St John's Cathedral in Valletta the admission was just 5 euros and that included an audio guide and you got to see Caravaggio's truly wonderful Beheading of Saint John the Baptist as well!!

Levenax wrote:
If I was a dictator here's ten things I would ban:


Only ten ?

Levenax wrote:

1. Flip flops - people wearing them make a very annoying scuffing noise when they walk.
2. Tatoos - really offensive, especially when a fat git takes his (or her) top off.
3. Body piercing - a really stupid thing to do, should be limited to females and one piercing in only the lobe of each ear and certainly not ever in anybody under 18.
4. Smoking in public.
5. Long hair in men, especially if bald on top with a pony tail.
6. Wearing a hat indoors - especially back to front baseball caps.
7. Karaoke in pavement cafes especially when drunk.
8. Badly behaved children in restaurants.
9. Noisy mopeds.
10. Time share salespersons.

Don't you just mean the low-live scrounging underclass ?


Levenax wrote:

This list, which is by no means exhaustive, is a result of spending a week in Malta where, unfortunately, one has to rub shoulders with the hoi polloi quite a lot.

...as I was saying

Levenax wrote:
I did enjoy visiting Valletta, Mdina and Gozo very much.

I was there around 20 years ago for a wedding and had a fantastic time.

My abiding memory, however, is driving around Gozo in what sounded as though it wouldn't have been out of place in Silverstone - but was, in fact, a tiny little 900cc (or so) Yugo.

Just as we were getting on the ferry, the hinged pat at the start of the ramp flipped up because of the swell and hit the exhaust pipe making a very noisy car....

I'd ban these mid atlantic 'accents' that all the youngsters have today they speak to you as if they are always asking a fupping question!

As they mid Atlantic or pseudo antipodean? Hard to tell, but the really annoying rising intonation at the end of a sentence like Germaine Greer has is really irritating.
How's Daisy? I do hope you are all getting enough sleep since I notice your post was written at four in the morning.

Tipping as a means of supplementing wages for lowly paid waiters and similar staff.